Transcript for The Country Bears with Kelly

For the episode and show notes, visit www.juliarios.com/the-country-bears-with-kelly/

Geoffrey
Welcome to this is why we're like this the podcast where we talk about lying to children for their entire lives better head Dis track country music freestyle battles. And the movies and TV shows that probably made up someone's childhood for better or for worse I'm your host Geoffrey Pelton

Julia
I'm your other host Julia Rios and you forgot armpit farting music.

Geoffrey
Oh I'll never forget armpit farting music, and with us is Kelly— hi Kelly.

Kelly
Hello!

Geoffrey
We watched the country bears, a 2001 or 2002?

Julia
Two, I think.

Kelly
Yeah.

Geoffrey
Ah, so not the second worst thing to happen in 2001... A 2002 movie based on the show at Disneyland, the country bear jamboree. This was apparently the third movie and the second feature theatrical release based on an attraction at Disneyland.

Kelly
Um, oh so this was after Tower of terror.

Julia
Yeah, because tower of terror was 1997, which by the way that movie is quite a thing.

Geoffrey
But before they sort of you know, got their hands on the real cash cow that was pirates of the caribbean, or, you know, tried that out… First they try because of course if you've got a you know a practically writes itself adventure movie …. or some animatronic bears that sing country songs. What which would you make a movie out of first?

Kelly
And and who is this movie even for because it's I don't think it's for country music fans.

Geoffrey
Oh no.

Julia
It's ah, there are a lot of questions about this movie? Um, okay, so first off none of us had seen this movie before right?

Kelly
Oh no.

Geoffrey
That is correct.

Julia
Okay, Kelly we we asked you though if you wanted to be here with us and discuss it because we know that you've been going to Disney World for your entire life. Ah Disney World still has the country bear jamboree. disneyland took it out and replaced it with winnie the pooh. Um, but like what was your experience growing up with the show? And what about that made you expect a movie about it would be like?

Kelly
Yeah, so we would go. Yeah I have family in central Florida, and we would probably go to Disney World as part of a visit every 2-3 years growing up, and country bears was one of the shows you went to. Apparently it was a D ticket ride. so like a fairly high— Disney thought it was a pretty highly desirable attraction, which is interesting because it has 0 lines now like you just like walk right in? Um, but you know like it was fun. It was air conditioned. There's bears. There's a there's a bear with a top hat and a raccoon pops out of it and tap dances on the bear's head. Um. They even did a breakfast show—so when you see the show, it's a stage and they're robot bears singing and dancing country music and then there are 3 animal heads on the side that provide commentary, and they had a breakfast show at pioneer hall of the three animatronic. Animal heads as the host like Melvin Moose's breakfast spectacular and we even did that once which was strange but.

Julia
Wait, okay hold on. So Pioneer Hall is nowhere near the parks. It's like over in a resort.

Kelly
Oh yeah, like is a full on boat ride away you have to leave and get in a boat for a minute.

Julia
So they had like a second set of of like Moose heads there, but no bears I'm assuming.

Kelly
Yeah, no bears, just the Moose Heads singing songs and then people bringing out breakfast things.

Julia
So basically that was Disney World's version of the Bugaboo Creek Steakhouse? Which like Geoffrey, did you ever go to the Bugaboo Creek steakhouse?

Kelly
Yes, very much so.

Geoffrey
No I've I've heard people talk about it. But I I've never.

Julia
Yeah, moss and I went with Krysta at one point, and so like my my friend Layla was here and Layla is also into super weird stuff and we learned that Bugaboo Creek steakhouse existed, which was like a steakhouse with animatronic moose heads mounted to the wall and so we decided we had to go and Krysta and Lee came with us and so any any bonus listeners, you remember Krysta was on the show to talk about. Ah, the rabbit ears production of Pecos Bill. Krysta’s been to an animatronic moose head steakhouse with us and it was a bizarre experience like at one point the moose head— I just remember the moose head saying like, he started singing, and then he said oh, Sorry I usually only sing when I'm in the shower and all of us were like buddy you are a decapitated moose. How do you shower? Anyway, so I'm just going to like: which came first the pioneer hall breakfast show or those steakhouse?

Kelly
Um, oh that I would have to guess the Pioneer Hall show because we were little like it would have been in I would say the 80 s like it couldn't have been any earlier.

Julia
Okay, yeah.

Kelly
I mean I guess I don't know the history of Bugaboo Steakhouse that well.

Geoffrey
Bugaboo creek steakhouse founded October Ninety Ninety two

Kelly
Okay, then yes.

Julia
Yeah, and it it doesn't exist anymore. Does it? Geoffrey?

Geoffrey
Defunct 5 years June 2016, so they didn't even make it to the the pandemic.

Julia
Yeah, okay, no they they were definitely gone before then. I remember like this was probably close to when we first moved here so like probably before I met both of you. Um, probably in 2007, and it was in Watertown.

Kelly
I have been to that bugaboo steakhouse. It is now like Miller's alehouse or some such nonsense.

Julia
Yeah, something like that? Yeah, ah so the country bears. They probably influenced Bugaboo Creek steakhouse, but they also influenced chuck e cheese.

Geoffrey
Yeah, and and I was actually going to say um I went to Disneyland a few times when I was younger back when the country bears jamboree still existed and I'm sure we must have gone at least once but it was never it was never a big draw for me. Can't imagine being that much more interest like I probably would have thought well this is okay but I can get this with pizza at home. Um, whereas you know there's there's nowhere else that's going to have Ah, it's a small world and and dumbo.

Julia
Oh wow see you and I were very different because I remember as a very small child like begging my parents to take me to the country bears specifically um we would be in Disneyland and I remember like I must have been very young because I remember it was a big ticket attraction and my parents being like we don't want to spend the points to go there basically and me being like no I must see these bears and it did have a line. It took a long time to get in there and it was packed shows. Ah, but that was probably like when I was two. So.

Kelly
Well, that's interesting because it was such a hit in Disney world that when they built it because it it was built for world and then cloned for land and when they opened it and land they opened 2 stages where Disney World only has the 1 the 1 theater.

Julia
Oh interesting. Okay well I remember it being really popular but I also know that like over time its popularity did kind of go away. It was sort of like tucked away in the back of the park in a weird place.

Kelly
Um, sure.

Julia
And at some point they I think they had like a barbecue back there and you had to like pay to get in and also like I'm pretty sure they changed the show a bunch.

Kelly
Oh yeah, so there was the the regular show which is what they put on now and they still, Japan still gets the seasonal shows. There was a Christmas show and there was the summer vacation hoedown where they they they changed the bears into like little swimsuits. And they sang different songs about the summer I think there was a rendition of I wish they all could be California bears.

Julia
Wow. Wow. Ah.

Kelly
Yeah, they still do it at Tokyo Disneyland apparently but they haven't switched the animatronics over in Disney world and like forever.

Julia
Amazing. Well I was really just in the bears in general. So the idea of like animatronic bears was very exciting to me as a small child.

Geoffrey
See for me for me from from the youngest that I can remember up until I die. Ah, there's only there's only 1 Disneyland musical visual extravaganza that means anything to me and that's the main street electrical parade.

Julia
Well, you're in luck because it's coming back and they're adding different ah properties to it.

Kelly
Oh yeah Encanto and all sorts of stuff.

Julia
Encanto and Coco I Think both.

Geoffrey
Ah, you're not gonna change the music are they?

Julia
No, it's going to be the main street electrical parade I'm pretty sure you're still going to get the—

Kelly
Baroque Hoedown

Geoffrey
Some time you know if I end up becoming very very old. You know, ah just sort of one day you know, drifting off in the hospice with baroque hoedown playing in the background. That's that's how I want to go.

Julia
Ah, okay, so Geoffrey you've been to Disney World as an adult. Have you been to the country bears as an adult?

Geoffrey
I Don't think no we we did visit the enchanted Tiki room. Um, which these animatronic musical showpieces are not for me. I'll say that up front.

Kelly
Wait, have either of you—this is a tangent—did either of you wind up seeing the Disney World Tiki Room Under new management.

Julia
I never saw it because like I think we were technically there at one point when it existed but we did not go to the Tiki room.

Kelly
So iago and the other bird Zazu take over the tiki room and they have the actors who play them like voice the animatronics to liven it up. Oh my god it was too bad.

Julia
It's so like just you know if you didn't like the tiki room, maybe you’ll like it better if Gilbert Gotfried was screaming at you the whole time. Ah, okay.

Geoffrey
Um, fascinating.

Kelly
Yes, apparently that was the theory.

Julia
Um, so the thing about the tigi room I think that makes it have such lasting power is that it was the first instance of them actually being able to make animatronic figures and. So. It was a real leap in in technology and entertainment and for for that reason. It's kind of a really cool historical artifact and you can tell because if you go in there. It's like you listen then the birds flap their wings and they click a bunch. You can really hear a lot of clicking um because they are very old.

Kelly
Mmhmm.

Julia
Animatronic figures that don't have smooth movements the way that new ones do but um I feel like it's also culturally insensitive and outdated in many ways. So there's that.

Kelly
What do you mean?

Julia
um the country bears on the other hand is an amazing show that is just I I saw this as an adult like three years ago I want to say and I have not seen it since I was probably four years old and I was like oh I remember loving this as a kid. It's got bears and they sing to you I don't remember anything else about it and I went in there and it's like there's a bear that's singing to you about how she's going to chase her wine with tears tears as a chaser for her wine and then there's another one who sings blood saddle.

Kelly
Oh yeah.

Julia
And it's actually Tex Ritter's voice

Kelly
It's so good. It's so good. Well and then there's the one about Mama don't whoop little buford.

Julia
Yeah, yep, yep, it's definitely old timey country and it's like but ah, but done by Bears which makes a weird amount of logic sense in some way. And then there. Yeah, there's the raccoon who tap dances on the 1 bear's head and then there's a bear that drops down from the ceiling and she's like the sexy bear who does her make west impression. Ah, but so the show is.

Kelly
Oh oh yeah, yeah.

Julia
It's quite something and I feel like if you.

kelly
Oh and there's that's the song all the boys that turned me on turn me down I did not understand that at 7

Julia
Um, yup, yep yep! So like this show is kind of like whoa. What? what. But also it's kind of great and they actually did get country old-timey country stars to do the voices and it's kind of fun and fast paceced and also you sit down in the air conditioning which is great if it's a hot Florida day. So I I'm sort of like yeah I don't really understand why it's not more popular now but all of this kind of led me to have a sort of an expectation for what a movie about this would be like.

Kelly
Yeah, for starters they should look like the bears. They don't look like the bears.

Julia
Yeah, they do not look anything like the animatronic bears and they're all like creatureshop creations from Jim Henson's creature shop and they look like creature shop creations from Jim Henson's creature shop.

Geoffrey
There they were also very clearly especially in the beginning scene like hey they're not stuck in their 1 place anymore. It let's have one do a do a cart wheel. This is I'm not sure who you think you're impressing with this but I don't like it.

Julia
I Mean it is very technically impressive because these are all puppets and they like apparently were very difficult to manipulate and all of that stuff which.

Geoffrey
Yeah, but Kermit the frog rode a bicycle like thirty years ago I mean

Julia
Yeah, but kermit the frog is way smaller than a life-size bear The question I have though and I had this multiple times while watching this was has this person who created this puppet ever seen a real bear?

kelly
haha.

Julia
There are like accounts that exist to be like have these medieval painters ever seen cats like ever seen a real cat and then they show like pictures of very horrifying cats from Medieval paintings or like babies or whatever. It's a whole trend on on the internet and I always enjoy those. But I was looking at this and like 1 of them especially I was like that is not a bear that's like I'm not even sure like some sort of dog. Maybe.

Kelly
Yeah, yeah, they don't they didn't particularly look like bears. They also didn't particularly look like the country bears like being.

Julia
No, they didn't look like the country bears. They didn't look like real bears. They just looked. They looked like the dog from the storyteller.

Geoffrey
So they they weren't bears and they weren't really country.

Julia
Well yeah, okay, then there's the question of like what country means in this sense.

Geoffrey
Yeah I feel like I feel like um, just real quick for for the listeners who who haven't seen this movie and why would you? um.

Julia
Ah, well, why would you? because it's got an all-star cast. It's got Jim Henson puppets it's got ah it's it's got amazing musical cameos. Ah, but like let's talk about who's in this movie right? I mean I know we're skipping ahead but like before we tell you what it's about let's talk a little bit about who's in this movie so young Teddy Barrow or Barry beringson. Whatever his name is.

Geoffrey
Beary.

Julia
Ridiculous, but his voice is Haley Joel Osment.

Geoffrey
Yeah, the the villain is played by ah Christopher Walken um ah Stephen Toboowski um who you'll recognize immediately because he's in a bunch of stuff. He's he's ned ned ryerson from ah from.

Julia
Ground Hog day. Yeah.

Geoffrey
Ground Hog day. He plays the father. Um, oh go him.

Julia
But then like aside from all of that when we talk about like all of the people that they got to be in this movie. We have Queen Latifah

Kelly
And like not doing music stuff… I don't… like just there.

Julia
Just there queen Latifah we got Willie Nelson Bonnie Raitt and Don Henley who do perform a duet ah Brian Setzer and his orchestra. Um, ah we have Krystal. Ah.

Kelly
right. Yep. Exzibit I think was that it.

Julia
Exzibit was in itt. Ah Jennifer Paige who I'd never heard of but she sure did sing a song and apparently had a hit single at the time. Um and just like tons of— Elton John is in this movie, sir Elton John. So yeah, like why would anyone see this movie because it's got an all star cast and it's got like amazing puppet creature work from a reputable place and it's a beloved Disney property that they're making a movie of and you would think that. It like it's got original songs written by professionals.

Geoffrey
Now the question is did anyone see this movie.

Julia
As far as I can tell no I like so I had never heard of this movie before this year. had either of you ever heard of it?

Kelly
No.

Geoffrey
I Knew about it.

Kelly
I Knew it existed.

Julia
Okay I was living in France in 2002 and I saw a ton of movies and my guess is that it was never released in France because one of the things that when I was living in France I would go to the movie theater all the time because it was an easy way to sort of get language practice and also if it was hot outside get air conditioning which was all always nice. My apartment was not air conditioned at all. Um, but I went to so many movies and I definitely saw the Disney releases that were out that year I saw monsters… its monsters incorporated in english?

Kelly
Uh huh.

Geoffrey
Monsters Inc.

Julia
Okay, so it's monsters and company and french and I always say monsters and company like okay wait. That's not it. Monster's Inc, I saw monsters inc in french. I saw Lilo and stitch in french. and then I just saw like a ton of other movies that were out that year so like that's the 1 year where like if it if it came out and was released in France during that year I probably saw it and I do not remember ever hearing of this movie and if I had heard of it I know I would have seen it because it was the based on this thing that I loved as a kid. But no for some reason I guess they thought the french audience might not understand.

Geoffrey
Well apparently it made 18,000,000 domestic and like 1 in foreign.

Julia
Yeah, so what was the original budget for this?

Geoffrey
35,000,000

Julia
Yeah I was going to say like there's no way this turned a profit right.

Kelly
Oh no.

Geoffrey
Now that you don't even you don't even need to use special Hollywood accounting to make this be ah, a loss.

Julia
Yeah, yeah, So okay, we've talked about who's in it. We've talked about like what the original show was like. quickly before we go into the summary. Knowing what the original show was like what would you expect a movie based on that show to be?

Geoffrey
I mean if you would if you would come to me and said hey we're doing this I would have I would have actually suggested something so more or less similar to 1 of the 2 well they they went with a couple tropes I would have gone with a different trope I would have gone with um, an origin story I would have gone. I would have gone first muppet movie. Basically I would have I would have followed the country bears meeting up becoming a big thing.

Kelly
Um, yeah I could see. Yeah I mean I get the whole we're gonna we need to put on a show to save the Youth center. Whatever right? like like that's that's a classic. But yeah.

Geoffrey
Oh excellent, excellent trope and getting the band back together. Also an excellent trope but I feel like I feel like they needed those both require a little. Um, know I feel like I feel like you could have it would have been a little safer but also a little a little smarter to go with the origin story here.

Julia
What would you have expected Kelly?

Kelly
Yeah I mean I I don't think that that the bones of “we need to put on a show to save the hall” like I don't think that's a bad premise. It's just the music isn't the music. It's not even close to the style of the music. It's not the humor of the show at all and I mean as much as early two thousands humor is dated. This show was designed in 1971 and that humor is real dated but it should yeah.

Geoffrey
Well to be fair to be fair. There is a point where what where one cop says to the other other “hey suspicious character at two o'clock” and the other cop looks at his watch and says “how do you know?” so that is at least as ah as old as any of the jokes they used in the country where jamboree.

Kelly
Yeah, um, but yeah, it's more just that it didn't sound like what I thought it would sound like and the characters didn't look anything like the characters you see in the park because they have like walk around characters that look like the the robot Characters and then these these you know these Jim Henson I mean they they're technologically advanced but they just don't look anything like any of the characters are supposed to look like.

Julia
Yeah I think one of the things that kind of threw me was that they do actually have walk around characters of those bears so they clearly know people like meeting them people have nostalgia and fondness for this bear Show. You would think that they would work which is totally built on the aesthetic of old timey country and these bears and you would I would think that if you're doing a movie based on this show and trying to tap into what people love about this Show. You Lean in really hard into the aesthetic and the old timey country feel. Um, neither of which did they lean into.

Kelly
Yeah I I would expect something feel that would that felt a lot more like oh brother like sonically visually and then like the bears because the country bears are an original Intellectual property right? like they don't until this movie they didn't exist outside of the park. So there's some really iconic imagery right? Like there's the 1 bear liver Lips Mcgraw and he's got these long like long mouth and these lips that kind of stick out and then you have the 1 big al which is an Enormous bear that just sings blood on the saddle like and he keeps interrupting everybody to sing it and then the host bear wears a top hat and at 1 point a raccoon pops out none of that is in the show and those are like the 3 things everybody knows about the country bears and then like Teddy Beara coming down from the the ceiling like. That wasn't in there like they could have put that somewhere.

Julia
They totally could have put that somewhere but instead they went with this weird. Okay, well let's talk about … so that's what we would have expected. Geoffrey do you want to give us a summary of what we actually got?

Geoffrey
Sure so as we've alluded to it is a combination get the band back together slash save the music hall. So the country. So. So first of all, we've got this dip shit named Beary. And he's Haley Joel Osment and he's a nightmare of ah of a bear costume just just awful looking and unpleasant and he has noticed that he doesn't look like his brother or his parents. Um, but his his parents are are lying assholes so they they. They've been gaslighting him and his older brother. Their entire lives. Um, ah.

Kelly
I have a question if they wanted you know to perpetrate this lie that he was just like everybody else.

Julia
Why did they make him Beary spelled b e a r y?

Kelly
What? Yes, it's not even Barry like you normally spell it. It's b e a r. Why? Why would you do that.

Julia
It's the German spelling.

Geoffrey
So he's ah he is basically ah he he notices that he's a little different than other people and he also obsesses with the country bears. So he's basically um, okay, was this before the the reboot Muppets movie with with Walter.

Julia
Oh yeah, way before that.

Geoffrey
So this is apparently what they stole that from because he's basically he's basically Walter but for the country bears.

Kelly
Ah, yeah, way before.

Geoffrey
Every thought he has has to do with the country bears and country bear hall and and in this universe the country bears were like the beatles basically? um so he goes to country bear hall but country here bear but but it's being foreclosed on because no one goes there anymore. Um, and they're. Years behind in in bank payments and evil Christopher Walken wants to wants to knock it down. Um, and so Barry says hey why don't we get everyone together and we'll do a show and so you have and so they they go across the country and they find where all the other bears are. Um, there's shenanigans. At 1 point, the cops think that the bears kidnapped Barry um, and so there's some cop chases. Um, and then eventually the the you know they put on the show and save the the thing and Barry learns a lesson about appreciating the you know. That that that real family are the people who love you no matter? What even if they aren't covered in in fur and growling fangs. Um. Ah, and and and the end. Um oh a lot of things I'm missing I that's that's a very bare bones overview and now we can sort of dive in under our favorite bits.

Julia
So like I feel like a couple things that you're missing here. Um, but I feel like the the things that like are probably salient to the plot are that Beary's brother has like clearly figured out what's going on and is disgusted that his parents are lying about it and keeps trying to get everybody to admit it and also keeps telling Barry obviously he doesn't belong here. He's not 1 of them. He's adopted the parents continually deny this. And ah, they deny it to Beary they deny it to his brother and they deny it to the police. Um, there is a whole thing about how then every human also just kind of like pretends that he looks just like any other 10 year old boy like human boy. Um, so it's really weird and jarring throughout the entire movie because it doesn't make any sense and then the other thing is that Christopher Walken is the evil villain um and his whole reason for hating them is that he.

Geoffrey
That's right.

Julia
Was up against them in a competition where he was like armpit farting the eighteen twelve overture and the country bears won the competition and christopher walken cannot get over it and so he continually Tries—He's made it his life mission—to just destroy them. for the last 30 years he's worked meticulously on making sure that eventually their fame wanes and their hall is foreclosed and he owns the bank that's foreclosing and he has multiple models that he has built.

Geoffrey
The best part of the movie. Oh no!

Julia
Of the hall which he crushes with an anvil in his office and, “oh no, country Bear Hall must be destroyed. Oh no!” um so.

Kelly
It's amazing.

Julia
Yeah, so those are the things I mean I feel like there are definitely other things we could talk about like Queen Latifah runs a bar that apparently serves honey which bears are addicted to like some sort of drug ah and also like the cops are completely inept. And 1 of the chase scenes leads them through a car wash where both of the cops get out of their car in the car wash and get roughed up by the car wash.

Geoffrey
Um, the the cops are played by ah Dietrich Bader and ah Daryl Mitchell both funny guys. Both who do some you know they do what they can with the material right? I I actually thought that Any of the highlights that that sort of sprang out to me while I watched this movie happened when there were no bears on screen or um I kind of liked. Um I don't know what he was called in this the the big al type Guy. Um I guess he was what oh he was big al in this too.

Kelly
he doesn't look anything like big al. again rip off.

Julia
Yeah, they used names of characters in the show they left out The ones that I think of as being the most iconic most of the time.

Kelly
Yeah

Geoffrey
They also it's not just that they chose a different aesthetic. It's that for one of the bears. They chose to sort of give him Elton John glasses

Julia
Uh huh, and make him look like a real coked out Elton John

Geoffrey
Yeah, and just just I don't know something about every time that bear was on screen I Just I just hated that bear like I I wanted to punch that bear I wanted to punch the bear. He had such an asshole face. It's like take those glasses off you asshole.
There's one man on the planet who can get away with that. You're not him.

Kelly
How many bears on the planet can get away with that though?

Geoffrey
Zero.

Julia
Ah, oh okay, yeah, so like they made the country bears. You said the Beatles. But I think it's more like they're maybe like the Alman brothers.

Kelly
Well that so there was that scene where they were taking polaroids on the bus I was thinking wait This is not that long after almost famous.

Julia
Yeah, yeah, no, this was definitely like this movie was basically sort of like Paddington meets almost famous. Ah but not nearly as good as either of those. There was also a point where the cops show up at the country bear hall and they think that the country bears have kidnapped Barry and so they they rock up and they're like pull out a polar polaroid and say have you seen this boy and I was like oh my gosh like this is like. This is straight up a terminator 2 reference ten years later and who is going to like laugh who who is this meant for is it meant for like parents of small children who remember seeing terminator two when they were like young adults. Ah, because it's not going to be for the kids and it's not even going to be for like you know like I recognized it now 20 years after that movie was released and fully 30 years after that reference but I was just like imagine that in 2002 who in the theater is going to laugh at that. Like Wayne's world 2 could get away with it.

Kelly
Well I mean in general who was this movie for because it doesn't so like if you like the attraction it doesn't sound or look like the attraction if you are like country bears I like country music. There was not a ton of country music even in it.

Julia
Nothere wasn't I mean there was sort of like Southern Rock and to the extent that country overlaps with that I guess there was that.

Geoffrey
I mean if you're a Haley Joel Osment fan. All you get is Haley Joel Osment voicing just and absolute just useless like just the dumbest motherfucker in the movie like just. Of all of the stupid kids we've seen in these kids movies.

Kelly
He's a bear of very little brain.

Geoffrey
He is a bear of very little brain. Thank you Kelly, that's he he makes decisions that are.

Julia
I feel like you're being a little too hard on this. Let us be clear: 10 year old child who has been lied to his entire life and every time he asks a question that might logically lead him to that conclusion is actively gaslighted.

Kelly
I was going to say like what's the bear equivalent of gaslighting?

Julia
I mean I think it's still gaslighting. there like his he clearly thinks there is something different about him and every time he asks about it. People are like no what are you talking about.

Geoffrey
And I I watched that very perplexed like is this supposed to be like are they saying something here like what does it mean to be a bear like is this is this a comment on interracial adoption is be is bareness Queer coded here.

Kelly
Well I had a conversation with my friend about this online about how you know interracial adoption and I'm like I don't I don't know that a movie about a theme park attraction really wants to get into that.

Julia
Like Also it doesn't make any sense whatsoever like because also apparently the country bears. We all agree are bears I think but like then we're all going to say that this kid because everybody. When the parents say he's just a boy and the cops are like oh it's just a 10 year old child and they're they're like oh yeah, we've we've all agreed to understand that this child is not a bear unlike these bears that we've agreed are.

Kelly
Well, that's the other things I don't get the rules of this universe as far as bears and people make you know like co like integrated because it wouldn't be weird right? If if Bears just are integrated into the society at large it wouldn't be weird for there to be a bear and. Cool. But then you would expect there to be more than one of them.

Julia
Yeah, well this is why I was thinking a lot about Paddington um I don't know if if either of you have seen Paddington

Kelly
I have not yet

Geoffrey
Yes.

Julia
okay so Paddington and Paddington 2 are both adorable movies. Ah, but.

Geoffrey
They really are.

Julia
But the the interesting thing about that is that like everyone agrees that Paddington is a bear and it's kind of weird that there's a bear living with this human family. But also it's accepted and it's okay, um, but it's like.

Kelly
Okay.

Julia
The world gets away with it because it acknowledges that it's kind of weird to have a bear living with the humans. But then you know this bear is so that's fine.

Geoffrey
Maybe it's so there's not many of them and it's acknowledged that they're different but they are still treated as you know sort of like we don't get any sense that they are treated as less than people right.

Kelly
Um, this just goes down a really concerning road.

Julia
right? Like there's no real good way to talk about this, especially if you're just like no like oh what are you doing with like what are the racial implications of this because it's all bad. All of it is bad.

Geoffrey
What I don't think that's what I'm saying I don't think there's a there's a like I don't think there's ah this maps on to any real world racial stuff but there are there is that family in Kentucky who's who's blue.

Julia
What.

Kelly
Oh do they eat a lot of Silver or something?

Geoffrey
No, that's a different thing. No the ah the blue ah Fugates of Kentucky um, there's a genetic thing method I'm I'm looking at that this how and know the details. Ah, it's blood disorder methhammobe binemia which causes blue tinge skin.

Kelly
Easy for you to say.

Julia
I had no idea a blue family in Kentucky had auto completed for me whoa they are blue and they didn't just have a lot of silver huh.

Geoffrey
Right? So ah I mean like if 5 of them became like a super popular musical group it it would be a little different but you know. It it wouldn't be it wouldn't be a societal level. You know, racial integration thing.

Julia
I Yeah I just sort of feel like anytime you get into this already we were like is this a metaphor for interracial adoption. So it's like that is where people are gonna go and then it's just sort of like what is. What is happening and why.

Geoffrey
A lot of very strange choices one of which now you 2 are more familiar with your original property so you can help me but as far as I was able to tell the original um five five bear rugs ah band that the country bears. Are based on. Um they didn't have last names. So so so Ted and Fred Betterhead um that last name was created in 5002.

Kelly
Not that I'm aware of.

Julia
I Don't think so also like. Yeah, and it's spelled with D's so like I guess they're trying to go with bedhead and not you know.

Geoffrey
But it it in the century of our lord 21 everyone everyone is going to go there.

Julia
I don't know I feel like this is a good time to point out though that ah Barrie's older brother Dexter is played by the same kid who plays Stifler's brother in the american pie movies.

Kelly
I particularly enjoyed his frosted tips that really like placed it a very specific place and time.

Julia
But yeah, it was. It was very clearly a movie. They came out in 2002 oh man ah yeah also see also like Krystal's whole haircut.

Geoffrey
Oh there's 1 other thing that we we haven't mentioned. Ah, there was a love story in this too blink and you miss it.

Julia
oh yeah between between Tennessee and or what it wasn't Tennessee. It was somebody else and trixie.

Geoffrey
Yeah, and basically the way that was is they had been together but now they were broken up and he was just destroyed over it and then they met up again and they were together. Yeah.

Julia
Were they sing a duet and their singing voices were Don Henley and Bonnie Raitt. Yeah right.

Geoffrey
And then they're together. We don't know why they broke up. We don't know why they got back? Well I guess they got to back together because they saying I do it's it is less than nothing but they felt they had to put it in there.

Kelly
Yep.

Julia
It's definitely a thing um and like yeah so their their voices are Don Henley and Bony rate and then the actual human versions of Don Henley and bunny rate are watching the bear versions sing their duet. And they say like she says who are these people and he's like I don't know but they're better than the eagles. Which why ah have either of you seen Spice world?

Geoffrey
Yes.

Kelly
No.

Julia
because that was the other movie. This movie reminded me of because it's also just like a complete hot mess full of famous people. Cameos.

Geoffrey
Yeah, that movie at least had the decency to understand that it was nonsense.

Julia
Yeah I feel like that is one of the places where this movie fell down is that it really wasn't it was taking itself seriously. But then it also did things like have Christopher Walken smashing multiple models of country brow hall and saying oh no. And like rocking up to the hunt country bear hall with his car with the hood ornament that is a wrecking ball and then of course also being an armpit farting professional.

Geoffrey
Um, ah that was great.

Kelly
It's oh's the best. It's the best I Love that.

Geoffrey
Basically almost almost 100% of everything good in this movie was solely related to Christopher Walken

Julia
But like they had all these other joke things that they kind of put in there. So like it was sort of taking itself seriously but then they also had the cops go through a car wash and yeah and then they also had like ah.

Kelly
Oh yeah, when they floated.

Julia
The whole Elton John thing where he is mistaken for the gardener and whatever else. Um or like the what? what are the other like so really ridiculous jokes in this.

Kelly
I like that they had the b meister honey a sign that was like a budweiser beer sign when um Ted was playing was guitar with Brian Setzer oh yeah

Geoffrey
What he was playing the fiddle against Setzer's guitar

Julia
Right? right? Um, yeah, and like just just tons of things like that the two o'clock joke suspicious activity at two o'clock how would you know. It's a very silly movie but it didn't act like it was silly.

Geoffrey
It's one of those things where the entire time you you want to you want to just sit down someone responsible and say what are you doing?

Julia
Yeah, it was also a jukebox musical but we didn't know any of those songs so it wasn't like it was doing the Mamma Mia thing where it's going to play a beloved abba song that we all know and could sing along with.

Kelly
Right? They've got tons of songs that they could pick from from the show because those.

Julia
No, but instead they were just like we'll we'll make it a variety hour and have these pop stars of the week that we've chosen do a song that's original to this movie.

Kelly
Yeah, it It was very strange.

Geoffrey
And when you say of the week I mean I know who Queen Latifah and Brian Setzer are…

Julia
I had never heard of Jennifer Paige. Krystal I knew of because ah so I went to college in Muncie Indiana at ball state and at the time while I was in college. The princess diaries came out um and that she did a song called Supergirl which was on the princess diaries soundtrack.

Kelly
Oh is that the the music video one? that was the I was like I don't know who this movie is for anymore.

Geoffrey
Where one of the bears is playing Harmonica in a music video and and then when that's all done she says ok that was fun, I have to go shoot my music video now.

Kelly
Yes.

Julia
Yeah, that's her, so like I knew who she was because before all of this, like a few years earlier while I was still in college and the princess diaries was ah coming out but like maybe even before the princess diaries came out, She got local area fame and then kind of like nationwide for Supergirl which was her first single and she was from Anderson Indiana and at the time like everybody was calling her Krystal Harris ah because that was her last name but then like I guess she changed it to just Krystal because that would be more memorable. And then later ah like apparently I looked her up and she was going to she was going to release an album where she was Miss Krystal and it was going to be like Miss Krystal's hip hop soul.

Kelly
Oh no.

Julia
But that album never got released which I think we can all agree is for the best because ah, let us be clear Miss Krystal is not not the kind of person that should be singing hip hop or soul.

Kelly
Oh Yikes yeah. Right? Like as she's going for like a Lady Miss Kier kind of thing from Deee-lite. Maybe.

Julia
I Have no idea.

Kelly
Yeah I kept thinking I'm supposed to know who these people are because the way they're being shot, It makes it look like I'm supposed to know who these people are but I don't. like this would be the kind of thing where like your latest winner or second place runner up in american idol gets 1 of those parts.

Julia
Yeah, yeah, and that's basically I think who these people were um, they were just like people who had a single. Ah um. But they were acting like they were huge celebrities which was very confusing.

Kelly
Yes.

Geoffrey
But they also had some huge celebrities.

Julia
Yeah and they didn't act like they were huge celebrities.

Geoffrey
I think part of the difference is the the bigger the celebrity unless they were like an actual actor who had been hired to play a part in this movie. They were basically like they took a camcorder to wherever this celebrity’s real place of of business was and said. Could you give us some bullshit about the country bears for for like 3 minutes and we'll cut it down to to 15 seconds and we'll cut you $100,000 check?

Julia
Yeah, no, they I literally that's what they did and then like Elton John they actually filmed that at his house. Um, so like apparently when they were filming that scene a tour bus drove by and like There was Elton John and some animatronic bears and like what was even happening. Ah so yeah, it's it's wild I don't really understand a lot about this movie but that's definitely.

Kelly
Best tour ever.

Julia
I Feel like the the question of like who we're treating as a celebrity is the same thing. The movie is gaslighting us the same way that Beary's being gaslighted by everybody. It’s like telling us that these people are really famous and I'm like I guess. I know who krystal is because she was from Anderson and she had that one song that I heard because they played it on local radio and then it was on the princess diaries soundtrack. But like I wouldn't, even at the time, I wouldn't have expected people to be like she's super famous. I'd expect like some people to be like oh yeah I remember that song.

Kelly
Yeah I Really it felt like it was— I kept thinking I think I should know this person and then I was like Nope I do not know this person.

Geoffrey
Maybe in the world where the country bears were a serious musical phenomenon and like a juggernaut in American music history, Krystal is huge.

Julia
Um I guess. like also Jennifer Paige who is the waitress in the diner and she sings a song and I was like now at this time in the world if that were like Christina Aguilera I would understand.

Kelly
Right? Or like like a mouse get a mouseketeer or former mouseketeer because like like you think about who was I don't know if QueenLatifah had any relationship with Disney but Elton John had been writing musicals for disney.

Julia
Right? because Elton John had done the lion king for them.

Geoffrey
But even see, but in that case I can't even explain it as you know within the fiction of the of the movie because in the fiction of the movie. She's a waitress who does not who who says that she does not have a career yet.

Julia
Um, yeah and I feel like I so I felt like at that point they were like we'll be like the Blues Brothers because we'll have a song that happens in a diner but it doesn't work none of it works.

Kelly
No it. It does not.

Julia
None of it works at all. Um, yeah, ok so should we talk about lessons that this movie taught us? what what lessons did you take away from this movie intentionally or unintentionally?

Geoffrey
Vengeance requires more follow-through than maybe you appreciate. I got to think that Christopher Walken had a perfect revenge plan for 30 years and then he takes his eye off the ball in the last four days like I mean he scrounges up a criminal kidnapping and putting musicians in the cage in a warehouse at the last minute but I got to think that if he'd been on the ball he could have stopped that reunion much more easily.

Kelly
Yep. Yeah, that does actually it seems like.

Geoffrey
Follow through. the lesson is follow through.

Kelly
Right? Like if they're behind on their bills. How do they have power? It seems I don't

Geoffrey
Well might be they make just enough to cover the electrical.

Julia
I mean I learned a valuable lesson from this and that is that if you have a problem. Don't go to the police because they're not actually going to be helpful.

Kelly
Fair.

Geoffrey
Um, oh here's a good lesson for for people of all ages. Um, maybe if you go off somewhere without telling anyone check in.

Kelly
Um, I mean I feel like the movie wants me to like believe you know if if there's something the. Something deep inside of you that you know you're passionate about you should follow it no matter what other people are telling you but I don't know if that's actually what I learned.

Geoffrey
Oh if you're a young boy. It's totally okay to get on a on a broken down bus with with some strange hairy men.

Kelly
yeah, excellent lesson.

Julia
That's true. That's that's very true. Um I learned that if you're a very large bear. It's fine to crowdsurf.

Geoffrey
All of those people should have been dead.

Kelly
It's very different movie that that but that movie is narrated by Werner Herzog

Julia
Ah, oh no, oh no, um I learned that it is possible to arm pit fart the eighteen twelve overture

Kelly
Learned that true Genius is never really appreciated in its time because really that was impressive.

Julia
I learned the the horrifying lesson that I think I've seen play out in real life. All too much in the last few years too that if you just look people in the eye and. Tell them something that is clearly not true enough times. The world will just go with it for your sake. They'll just say okay, you're right? It's true. Ah, you're right like I guess.

Kelly
Mmmm.

Julia
You should be president and you are the smartest man in the world and this is a boy and not a bear and you must actually deserve to be a fake heiress I mean a real heiress. You must be real Anna.

Geoffrey
Your your your your device I guess your device can detect 30 types of disease from a drop of blood.

Julia
yep yep I was going to say Theranos does do a good job. Yeah because like the the amount of this movie that's just predicated on people just stone cold lying and being like you're wrong about that and it's. Actually this is a boy. Ah.

Kelly
See again if bears are part of their society. Why would they lie about him being a bear.

Julia
Yeah I don't I don't understand any of it and like if the country bears are famous and there's also a 10 year old bear that lives with humans like Where are the other bears are these the only like 6 bears in the world that can talk?

Kelly
Right cause like he was found by a ranger a park ranger.

Julia
Right? right? and the and the park Ranger didn't rewild him or take him to the zoo or a ah sanctuary no gave him to humans to raise.

Kelly
This is like the thing with baby birds that once they interact with humans the the Mama bear won't want them anymore?

Geoffrey
I feel like every time there was a decision tree in the making of this movie someone mapped out all of the reasonable decisions and then wiped their ass with that list, did a line of Coke and gave us this movie. Nothing makes nothing they did makes any sense at all. There were so many better options just right there.

Julia
It really does. Yeah, it. It makes no sense like zero sense. Ah why?? why. All right? So um, so do we want to talk about but whether it holds up?

Geoffrey
Ah sure. Ah Kelly why don't you start?

Kelly
I mean holds up to what what? what? exactly it is I can't imagine that anybody who watched it then all 5 people um thought it was good then it certainly was not good now like I would rather watch the actual animatronic show For an hour 20 minutes then watch that movie.

Geoffrey
I would rather watch I would rather watch the Chuck E Cheese show than this movie.

Julia
I yeah, it does not. It's really sad too because like as I was watching this I was like you know Haley Joel Osmentn really is a good actor. You can tell like he's he's really reading these lines with like all of his full acting force.

Kelly
Mmhmm.

Julia
It's just that they're so bad that like even even child phenomenon Haley Joel Osment of the sixth sense and AI and whatever else cannot do justice.

Geoffrey
Ewan Mcgregor and Natalie Portman are good actors too.

Julia
Um, yeah, yeah, um so christopher walken they asked him assuming that he would say no. Ah. But he said yes, immediately. Um because he he did all of his stuff in 10 days those 10 production days that he spent on this movie. Um, but like basically.

Kelly
Oh my God I Love him.

Julia
He'd been waiting his whole life to do this? ah.

Kelly
When you say this…?

Julia
So ah, here's a little excerpt from this screen crush article about the making of this movie which I will link in the show notes.

Kelly
Oh my god.

Julia
without realizing it, Hastings and his country bears script. The guy who wrote and directed had stumbled onto one of Walkin's personal fascinations according to Dana Carvey in an interview on late night with Conan. O'brien. The first time walk and hosted Saturday live. He sat stonefaced during the Monday pitch meeting while the entire writing staff threw outt sketch ideas walk and liked none of their pitches after an hour Lorne Michaels asked them if he wanted to add anything according to Carvey Walken replied bear suits are funny and bears as well.

Kelly
Oh my God That's amazing.

Julia
So like apparently he just had they asked him assuming he was gonna be like “come be a country bear? No I don't think so I'm Christopher Walken thank you very much” and instead he was like wait. You want me to be in a movie with bears. Fuck yes I've been training for this my entire life.

Geoffrey
I Want you to put on a bear suit I you understand I've been I've been down and I need to laugh I Want you to put on a bear. God I can't do impressions. It's so Depressing. Ah.

Julia
I Feel like this is basically like it's sort of like me I feel like if you asked me to be in a movie about Amatronic Bears or animatronic cats I would be like I Yes I will I will take the part.

Kelly
Yeah I mean I certainly I you know any sort of any sort of themed entertainment I would be I'd be a sure sure and then I'd be going, but this is nothing like the themed entertainment.

Geoffrey
And so much more so and so much more. So if if if you want me to be the villain I mean yes, my favorite flavor is scenery.

Julia
And he really puts his all into it like he does carry every scene that he's in he walks on and he's just Like. Chomp Chomp Chomp I Love to eat scenery for breakfast I am christopher walken I am Evil I will destroy these bears. Hello.

Geoffrey
Like sometimes a movie gets a star bigger than it than it should have and and you can tell they're phoning it in for the paycheck. Um, not here.

Julia
No, he's 100% like this is amazing I'm doing a bear movie. Finally.

Kelly
Mmhmm.

Julia
Um, ah does it hold up though. No it does not it. Never I don't think it ever did but it definitely doesn't know so that's my long winded answer.

Geoffrey
Ah, let's see painfully dated moment?

Julia
Yeah, so what is the most painfully dated moment in this monster from twenty years ago?

Kelly
Oh man I Just keep going back to the brother and those like frosted tips. It just.

Julia
That's definitely. It's definitely fair. Ah I keep coming back to everything about Krystal's involvement in this show like.

Kelly
Oh yeah, yep.

Julia
First of all, again, her haircut and her hairstyle which is just like the most early aughts thing I've ever seen.

Kelly
Very Josie and the pussy cats.

Julia
Yeah, and then like also the fact that she's in it and the fact that people are treating her like a celebrity. Like like a really big celebrity like you would think that she was lady gaga.

Geoffrey
I'm going to go um, no phones to the point when they decide they're going to try to track the other bears they have to use Barrie's old tracking device that the ranger had on him that. And that doesn't make sense either because if he was being tracked out in the wild. Why was he adopted and yeah.

Julia
It doesn't make any sense None of it makes any sense. Ah.

Geoffrey
Oh scarier than or now.

Kelly
I think ah I think I I'm slightly more horrified by the transracial adoption piece than I would have been in 2002

Julia
That's really hard.

Geoffrey
I'm going to say look into Beary's eyes and tell me there's a god scary scary then scary now and undiminished.

Julia
Okay, so I feel like Beary is the kind of ah if they made like a toy version of Barry they'd have to sell it with a blindfold

Kelly
oh Teddy Ruxpin yeah

Julia
like the new Teddy Ruxpin which we talked about when. Ah. When Christa was on Christa Carmen to talk about she she came on to talk about the Raggedy Ann and Andy musical adventure and then for her like after these messages she brought up Teddy Ruxpin and who he watched a teddy ruxpin commercial and then she told us this story about how she was really excited that they had released a new Teddy Ruxpin and she had gotten it for like 1 of her little nieces or something and gave it to them and then she came over to her family's house and the Teddy Ruxpin doll was like in the playpen with a blindfold and she was like why is this happening and her sister in law was like oh um, yeah, he'd so we just like it better when he has his mask on.

Kelly
It's it's disturbing.

Julia
And then like and she took the mask off and it's got these blank soulless eyes and it's like oh yeah, no I understand um so I feel like I feel like that would be the same issue for Barry Barrington if you sold him as a doll.

Kelly
Yeah, yeah.

Geoffrey
You know what the problem is we've we've been comparing this to um to to ah all of this to the you know the country bear jamboree show and sometimes to chuck e cheese what we should really have been thinking is 5 nights at Freddy's

Kelly
Yes I was just thinking that that actually that also makes us scarier now. The implications of Robot bears coming to life.

Julia
I've never seen that I don't actually know anything about it.

Geoffrey
I've only seen like art from it and it's basically you're I think you're a security guard at a Chuck E cheese type place except the animatronic things want to kill you and you you.

Kelly
It's like itchy and scratchy land like where they all are turned to evil.

Geoffrey
And you like have a couple of cameras and you have to look back and forth between the cameras so that they don't sneak up on you. It's a horror game.

Julia
Ah, okay, so this is a game and not a like a movie or a television show. Got it? huh? Ok ah, all right? So ah. Ah, guess the the big question we're up to the biggest question.

Geoffrey
Would you show this to a child?

Julia
Kelly would you show this I know you have a nephew would you show this to your nephew who is what 7?

Kelly
He's yeah he’s seven. no I would not show this to a child I liked.

Julia
Ah, to a child you liked I like this qualification.

Kelly
Yeah know I Just I mean I don't think it's it would be entertaining I don't think again I just I think it really comes down to I don't know who this movie is for.. It's not the jokes by and large aren't kid jokes but they're also not really adult jokes like they just don't I don't get who this is for. Like he's been to the country Bear Jamboree and I don't think he would understand that these are the same characters.

Julia
Well because they're not they don't make any sense. Okay, yeah I wouldn't show it to a kid either like why put the kid through that.

Geoffrey
And then have to answer questions about well who who were those singers and is that what country music is? well no no.

Julia
Yeah, ah, it's I Just I'm amazed at how many really talented people made this movie like the guy who ah was the writer director of this also did a lot of work on Anamaniacs right? So like you'd think this person has lots of talent and knows what's going on.

Kelly
Yeah, and and yeah I mean this is still this is still eisner era Disney right? like it's yeah, the late? yeah.

Geoffrey
I'm going to blame Studio interference.

Julia
Yeah, although it is. It's during the Eisner downfall, the slow Eisner downfall.

Geoffrey
Eisner gang

Julia
I Guess I just feel sad because I love practical effects I Really do um and I. I Always wish to see more like if if they're going to build a ride I'm always sad if it's like all screens and I love seeing when they actually like do lots of stuff with practical effects and it's one of the things that makes me sad like the finding Nemo ride at at epcot. It's just so many screens and it's not.

Kelly
Yeah, yeah.

Julia
That ride could be better. There's like 1 moment where you see practically built jellyfish and I'm like oh that's really cool. Why isn't the rest of the ride as cool as these foam jellyfish that they built um, but it's just all screens.

Kelly
Ha. And it not.

Julia
And so like I as a champion of practical effects I was like they made actual puppets for this. It's not even CGI I like I want to like this movie so much. It's got like so many talented people in it and they've got actual practical effects and then it just it's.

Kelly
Yeah I mean one of my favorite singers is uncredited as the singing voice for 1 of the bears, John Hiatt, and I absolutely love him and I heard his voice like oh because I've been recently very obsessed with one of his songs. And it's it's like yeah the musicians who were involved so many incredibly talented people and it isn't any good.

Julia
Yeah, like why is this so Bad. Why is this not good. How did you get all of these people to make this thing and then you didn't make it good I've been so I've been reading um the art of gathering and so it's a book about. How to create successful gatherings whether they're meetings or dinner parties or weddings and it it talks a lot about like the role that you take when you are hosting something and the responsibility that you have to actually like set and enforce boundaries and to do curation. And one of the mistakes people can make is trying to be too inclusive because if you try to make it all things for all people. It won't please anybody and I feel like that's part of what was going on in this movie is like it didn't pick a path.

Kelly
Um, yeah, well and it also has that feeling right? So Eisner's big complaint was that Disney wasn't hip enough right? So that and like the the legends of him Asking his teenage son about what he wanted and this feels very much like the country bears are too old fashioned and we have to make them hip but you wind up losing the charm of the original Content. So but it's not hip enough for the people who would want you know like. But people who want something hip and new aren't going to go see the country bears and the people who want to see the country bears or what they are are going to go What was that.

Julia
Okay, so like um, earlier you said that you thought you should expect this movie to seem more like oh brother and I'm thinking Disney needs to remake the country bears in 2022 And have the Cohen Brothers do it because if you want to make the country bears hip. You just get those cohen brothers in there.

Kelly
Yes, oh my God I would watch that.

Geoffrey
I Think they have the yeah, they definitely have the the right? The right sensibility.

Julia
They would they would give us the aesthetic that we need and also make it hip and fresh and fun for the new generation. Okay.

Geoffrey
I would also like to offer a correction to something I said earlier I referred to a period of time at Disney as the eisner gang. Um what I should have said was eiser dameron I apologize for the confusion.

Julia
yeah, okay.

Kelly
Ah I mean alternate Alternately we could have the verner herzog country bears and go really dark. Why was there blood on the saddle. Let's find out.

Geoffrey
I Believe that the that the the fundamental forces of the universe are Chaos murder and honey.

Julia
Ah I feel like Werner herzog needs to do a small world movie for us. It's a world of laughter and a world of tears and suffering.

Kelly
Oh my God yes.

Geoffrey
If you look you will understand that everyone is the same We are all in pain.

Kelly
So so this is also a tangent but there is a Tiktok channel that you know how like they make kids clothes that are all like oatmeal and brown and made of burlap but they're for children. There's a woman who like will read go through these catalogs but narrate them as if it's Werner Herzog's clothing for sad children just just makes me laugh every time.

Julia
That's good. It's good. Um, okay so I think that we've all agreed we're not going to show this movie to children and we're sad that it it happened. Um, we long for the Cohen Brothers version that would have been good. I Still also long for the Guillermo del Toro Haunted mansion movie that they never made.

Geoffrey
That could have worked that could have worked.

Kelly
Ah, well yeah, there was also and I want to say it was and I feel bad that I'm blanking on the director's name, but the guy who did original Iron Man was going to do basically a Night at the Museum only at Disney where all the animatronics come to life and like hang out and that was like that was a project and why can't I remember his name.

Julia
Ah, oh interesting.

Kelly
He's also in The Avengers. He's happy.

Geoffrey
Oh ah, Favreau.

Kelly
yes John Favreau wanted to do a Night at the Museum style movie about Disneyland.

Julia
Interesting huh. Well it's too bad. I feel like a lot of the projects that we wish we would see don't get made and then instead they make they make this. Oh well.

Kelly
Indeed.

Julia
What can you do? ah.

Kelly
I'll just have to go watch the country bears in in Florida again.

Julia
Yeah I feel like so ah this movie is available on Disney plus if you're listening to this and you want to see the nightmare that is this movie. You can watch it on Disney plus um you might want to just fast forward to the parts that have Christopher Walken in them. Um then watch him crush country bear hall over and over again and armpit fart. But um I can't recommend this movie. However I'm sure we can find a Youtube video where someone will have gone in and actually just recorded the entire show.

Kelly
Yeah, yeah.

Julia
And we can. We can link to that I will put one of those directly in the show notes. So if you're listening to this and you want to see the country bear jamboree will make that possible for you all right? Ah, we're gonna end this now and then we're going to come back and we're going to talk about Kelly's childhood and other entertainments that delighted Kelly as a child. Yeah, so that's a little teaser for next.

Kelly
Canadian themed entertainment.

Geoffrey
We got some cancon coming.

Julia
Yeah, you know sometimes we don't get you a bonus episode for a couple of months because everything's hard and then we give you this plus cancon. All right? Thank you for joining us. Kelly do you want to tell people where they can find you if they want to find you?

Kelly
Yes, so the most interesting thing is probably Instagram and I am Kel-0-Watt which was my roller derby name and that is kel underscore 0 underscore w a t t on Instagram um. Um, then there's a linktree on my Instagram to show you how to find the other things I do have a story highlight of my country bear movie experience.

Julia
Ah, oh yeah, it's good.

Kelly
I should put the picture of my country bear jug that I remembered that I got from Disney.

Julia
Yeah, if you if you want to like take a picture of that jug just like pull it out and and take a nice picture of it. We can we can put it on the this is why Instagram when we release this episode.

Kelly
Nice.

Julia
I always like to do a theme appropriate picture if I can.

Geoffrey
And you know our listeners Always Appreciate pictures of jugs. So.

Julia
Um, Geoffrey

Geoffrey
I'm sorry this movie did things to my brain.

Julia
yeah like I've I don't think it's this movie Jeffrey I mean I've heard I've heard stories from your mother that make me think your brain was already there.

Kelly
I’ve met your parents

Geoffrey
Oh right? you've you've both, you've both met me before.

Julia
okay, well on Ah, that note um, we’ll…

Geoffrey
We'll see you after these messages.